Let's suppose, for some strange reason, a person wanted his or her life to be a painful struggle filled with illness, broken relationships, financial struggles, and constant disappointments. If someone was a masochist and desired such a life, that person could accomplish his or her objective quite simply by holding onto resentment, blame, or anger toward self or others, and the "desired" painful life outcome is assured! Resentment, blame, and anger cause limitation, lack, and misery. Whether it's deliberate or not, we all live under the law of cause and effect, which means our feelings cause results.
Intellect, personality, and skills do not assure a life of happiness and fulfillment. Remember, Feelings Cause Results. Our strongest feelings are magnets that continually attract similar circumstances (like attracts like!)
"Time Changes Nothing"
If you feel stuck, it's time to let go of any and all blocks. In one day you can change the direction of your life.
Forgiveness Sets You Free
For more than 20 years I've had a wonderful friend named Sally. As of five years ago, she was the only person I had ever known who was never hurt by life. She and her sister had a glorious childhood; they were adored by their parents; they were always praised and encouraged. She was attractive, healthy, and had wonderful relationships with men as she was growing up. She never experienced a painful breakup with a guy. She adored her father and transferred that respect to men.
For nine years she had a wonderful male friend. He was her closest friend, and she had total respect and affection for him. Eventually they married and had children. By all accounts, including hers, they were compatible and happy for many years. Then the unthinkable happened; he had an affair and left the marriage. She was devastated beyond words. She never saw it coming. Sally asked him to go for counseling and resolve their issues. He refused and never came back to the relationship. She developed a bitterness and hatred toward him. How could her "best friend" and committed life partner do this? For several years she struggled with the impact of the divorce on her and her son. She was suffering, struggling, and sleepwalking through life, living life as a victim (her words) day after day. Three years ago she called me and asked if I would help her forgive her former husband.
We met at her house on a Saturday morning. It was obvious she was committed to setting herself free from the pain of resenting her former husband. I asked her what her life was like while hating him for several years. She mentioned career, health, and life satisfaction issues of pain and misery. I asked her to write down the payoffs of all of that negative misery. Then I asked her about the payoffs of setting herself free from the hateful emotions she had been carrying. She was ready to be free of the pain and create a new life.
She then wrote an entire page of positive, happy, promising results of being at peace with everyone! SHE GOT IT! That day changed her life; she began the process of "letting go" of all the blame and resentment. Soon she was vibrantly happy again—as she had been most of her life. Everything in her life improved!
FORGIVENESS DOES INDEED SET US FREE TO FULLY LIVE LIFE.
Feelings Cause Results
Prosperity, happiness, and good fortune are available to all of us IF we are holding those feelings. In one day you can begin to release any negativity or blame held toward another person or yourself and set yourself free to live your ideal life.
Several years ago I conducted a personal success series at a large church in suburban Detroit. After my program on forgiveness, a man asked if he could talk to me. Al said he hated his former wife who had divorced him three years earlier. He stated that he had been miserable and the quality of his life had deteriorated. Al asked how he could release all of the anger he held toward his former wife. I gave him a formula (which I'll share later in this article). Several weeks later I saw him, and he was smiling. He told me he had practiced forgiving his former wife and wrote her a letter to apologize for his angry behavior toward her. She was amazed at his call and thanked him for being a wonderful friend to her for so many years. She also expressed her regrets for the pain she had caused by divorcing him. Al said "I feel like a new person; I feel like my old self again. I am free from all that negative energy!" When I saw him several months later, he was vibrant and happy as he enthusiastically told me of the sweet woman he was dating. Letting go (forgiveness) does indeed open up a new life to us!
Opening Up to a New Life
After a forgiveness speech several years ago, a woman asked if she could share a healing "miracle" (her words) she had experienced after listening to one of my forgiveness programs. Her daughter, whom she adored, was killed by a drunk driver. She said the loss was unfathomable, and she was filled with rage and hatred for the man who caused it. For several years she and her husband carried that hatred against that drunk driver. Several years later, depressed and filled with grief, she attended a forgiveness program because the pain and misery had become so great and she wanted to get past it. After several months of intense effort, she felt compassion for the young man when she discovered how painful his life had been. She began praying for the strength to let go of all the bitterness and blame she had toward him. Because her intention was 100%, she did it; she let go of all the negative emotions she had held for so many years. She came alive again. She thanked God for the years she had with her precious daughter. She donated money to a women's charity in memory of her daughter. Through forgiveness, she "set herself free" and began to live again. Forgiveness does give us a "NEW" life!
NOTE: Her husband has continued with his bitterness and unhappiness in this situation.
My Forgiveness Experience
I know all about the painful payoffs of holding resentment and bitterness toward anyone. As a child in my alcoholic home, I experienced constant pain and stress with drinking, yelling, and criticism. Our home seemed to be a nightmare; as a result, I developed a deep hatred toward the drinking parent. I grew up filled with rage and blame. Although I didn't discuss my home "situation," the angry feelings were always with me. I blamed the drinker for my constant unhappiness and feelings of low self-esteem, resentment. The results of all these negative feelings were a miserable, unhappy life at age 31.
The turning point of my life unfolded when a new friend took me to a church in Detroit. The minister, Jack Boland, was charismatic and inspiring. I sensed that he would give me the "tools" I needed to change my life. That became a reality when a short time later he did a forgiveness session which moved me as nothing ever before had inspired me. He said "if you hate or resent anyone, you are stuck and will not ever move forward in your life."
When he said that, I was stunned, and yet I knew it was true. In that moment, I decided to forgive my alcoholic parent, whatever it would take to accomplish that. I asked people at church to pray for my healing. A short time later, the church held a healing night. I was seated in the back row next to a beautiful woman, who later became Miss Michigan. Virtually everyone in the church—several hundred—went to the altar to experience healing. That is everyone but me. Finally, I went to the front of the church—the last person to do so, and I started to cry as I said I forgive the parent who caused a lifetime of pain and misery for our family. I just sobbed and returned to the back row of the church still sobbing. I cried and cried for 15-20 minutes as the future Miss Michigan held my hand and encouraged me.
I kept releasing all the pain, blame, and bitterness I had held for so many years. I started to feel like a new person; I went outside and really breathed in the crisp November air. I felt alive for the first time! I felt an energy I had never felt before. Beginning that night, I practiced forgiveness toward both parents, and soon I was feeling gratitude for their positive actions over the years. I had forgotten the loving, kind moments due to all of the bitterness I had harbored for so many years. That forgiveness experience at my church totally changed my life—to this day. I have been aware of my judgments ever since; I am committed to unconditional acceptance of everyone (not always easy but doable) because I don't want to get stuck with the consequences of anger and blame in my consciousness.
Forgiveness Means a New Life
Several years ago, Jim had a good life as a singer and dancer; he was professionally fulfilled yet unhappy in a marriage of several years. While at the dance studio, he met a Russian woman who captivated him. He left his marriage to be with her, and for a few months it was wonderful and exciting. Then everything began to be a struggle. She became distant and wanted to be with other men. Soon they broke up. Shortly after, he fell off a ladder and severely damaged several vertebrae. Unable to dance and work, his life became depressing. He continually blamed himself for the relationship breakups, the injury, and the unhappy life circumstances.
At this time, he is beginning a new life. He is focused on forgiving himself for such "foolish" (his word) choices. He has begun the process of writing forgiveness statements for the unwise choices he made. Little by little, his mental state is improving. He has new goals and a commitment to create a new life for himself. By letting go of the past, he is creating a positive future. In 20 years of coaching and working with hundreds of people, I've never seen anyone create a breakthrough so quickly. That is the power of a 100% intention. In several recent conversations with Jim, he sounds like a new person. For him, the key has been making peace with the past and looking forward to a wonderful new life.
Moving Forward in Life!
If you are ready, these action steps will move you toward a new, fulfilling life.
- Make a list of everyone you resent or have blamed.
- Write a specific forgiveness statement releasing the anger for a particular action.
Make a list of everything you have blamed yourself for in your life. (Same formula as above.) Be grateful for everything in your past. (Yes, even the people you blamed for inappropriate actions. Although this may seem ridiculous or a "stretch," it creates so much positive energy it can be life-changing.) Be grateful for all your major desires; say and feel Thank You in advance. Whenever necessary or where you don't feel accepting, write out the forgiveness statements that feel appropriate.
- I forgive you Dad for your drinking.
- I forgive you Mom for your criticism.
- I forgive you Tom for our divorce.
- I forgive you Judy for leaving me.
- *Continue writing the forgiveness statements until the negative energy is gone.
Forgiveness and Gratitude
Really leaving the past pain behind.
All of life is energy, and to change our lives and results we need to change our energy.
What if you made peace with those who harmed/hurt you? What if you reframed the situation? Imagine the impact of releasing any "victim" story and using that situation to grow, move forward, and create a powerful new level of self-esteem. Free from all of that negative energy, you are a new person. With your power reclaimed, you can create a new life. Believe it or not, you can create the life of your dreams!
A Radical, Life-Changing Concept
All of life is energy. What if you became grateful for everyone who has touched your life? Imagine the possibilities of reframing your most painful life experiences! Strange as it sounds, it's all perception—our perception. You could "see" your painful experience as a learning experience, a life lesson for future reference or an experience that contributed something positive to your life. If this seems ridiculous, I understand your point of view. My position is our energy and feelings shape out lives. When you stretch and implement this concept, you open up a new, unlimited life for yourself.
Gratitude—whether it's our health, relationships, money, or career.
"Whatever we are grateful for will grow and expand; whatever we resent will wither and die."
These words of a philosopher so clearly articulate the results of focused emotions. A 20-year study to determine the characteristics of happy people discovered that gratitude is a huge part of happiness. Especially being grateful for the "less than perfect" situations. When we appreciate difficult/painful people and situations, we take the negative energy out of the equation. We open up our consciousness to attract more people and things "to be grateful for."
Feelings Cause Results
Since we live under the Law of Attraction, prosperity and abundance are available to all of us. If we are not experiencing the desired prosperity, something needs to change (NEW thoughts and feelings!).
One question – Do you want to be happy or right? (You can't be both!)
All of life is now.
Perceptions are a choice!
Forgiveness sets you free.
You control your life results.
What you see is what you get (Flip Wilson).
YOUR FUTURE IS NOW!
Prosperity, Fulfillment, and Happiness are available to all of us—NOW!
If we are not experiencing these positive "states," something is blocking it. That something is our own mindset. I know it isn't always easy to LET GO of anger and resentment, but remember the entire quality of our lives is at stake.
Give yourself the gift of a new life; take advantage of my Nightingale-Conant program Forgive and Be Free.
I support you for creating your Ideal, Fulfilling Life!
H. Michael Wickett