As a coach, I often have new clients
start off by sharing what they perceive
as problems by beginning a statement
with: "Jim, the problem is ..." or "See,
my problem with ..." (Do you know
people who begin their statements
with these phrases? Lemme guess —
they ALWAYS seem to have lots of
problems, don't they?)
Whenever I hear this as an opening
gambit, I immediately halt their
attempt to get into some long-winded
"whine-fest" by saying forcefully,
"EXCUSE ME — you don't have a
problem, only a situation ... would you
like to know the difference?"
They are usually taken aback at
such abrupt rudeness on my part, but
I'm intentionally interrupting a useless
thought pattern — that of thinking
about the inevitable challenges of life
as problems. The online dictionary has
this definition of the word problem:
"an intricate unsettled question; a
source of perplexity, distress, or vexation."
And I don't want my clients to
reflexively think that anything they're
dealing with cannot be relatively easily
overcome with the proper attitude
combined with clear thinking.
When they answer yes to my question,
I share the story of my friend
Laszlo Nagy. Laszlo was the stockbroker
in my Business Networking
Group. In June of 2002, he was
involved in a motorcycle accident that
left him paralyzed from the neck
down. I visited him several times in
the rehabilitation hospital shortly
after he arrived there. With his head
in a halo brace, his body swollen from
trauma, and his Darth Vader–like
speech wheezing through a respirator,
it was not a pretty sight.
Subsequent to the accident, Laszlo's
finances were totally drained by burgeoning
medical bills. Under the continual
financial and personal strain,
his wife decided she could no longer
hang in there with him and filed for
divorce. In 2004, Laszlo had a pacemaker
installed in his diaphragm muscle
(the same operation that the late
actor Christopher Reeve had) to help
his lungs work without external stimulation,
and he spent the next seven
weeks relearning to breathe.
I then say to my clients, "So, LASZLO
has a PROBLEM — YOU only have
a SITUATION ... GOT IT?" It's AMAZING
after that how quickly people
catch themselves. When they start to
say, "I've got this problem ..." they
quickly go, "OOPS! I mean, I've got
this situation ..." So the point is well
taken.
By the way, the most surprising revelation
in my conversations with
Laszlo over the past few years is when
he one day confided in me, "Y'know
Jim — in some ways this accident is
THE BEST THING that's ever happened
to me." And perhaps even more
amazing, Laszlo does NOT think he
has a problem! A challenging situation?
Yes, unquestionably. But in his
mind it's definitely surmountable,
which he demonstrates on a daily
basis at a level I can only imagine.
So the next time YOU think you've
got a PROBLEM ... take pause ... it's
probably only a situation.
Since developing his first coaching program in 1982, Success Skills Coach Jim Rohrbach, "The Personal Fitness Trainer for Your Business," has coached hundreds of business owners, entrepreneurs, and sales professionals on increasing their clientele.
Learn more about Success Skills Coach Jim Rohrbach.
To find out how a Nightingale-Conant coach can help you become a high achiever, call us at 877.512.3100 to speak with a coaching representative.
